Sunday, July 25, 2010

Space boots!

Tomorrow I am taking a dip in a salt pool. A friend of mine at work was telling me about her experience in the isolation tank and it sounded like what I want part of my own personal pan-Heaven to be like. I understand why it seems weird. It is totally weird. You get inside of some 8' X 4' tank and float in the dark for an hour. You're completely alone with whatever is going on inside your gourd piece and there is nothing to distract you from anything! ZOMG!

My main reasoning for this dip trip is that I can never relax. Anywhere. I go on vacations to beach resorts and I'm on my phone, reading magazines, reading news feeds, commenting on goddamn Facebook status' while I'm supposed to be Kentucky frying my skin off on some nice ass beach zone. I drink gallons of espresso all day long. I need to chill and normally I can't. Shit up top gets real real fiery and intense and I need some isolation. I also love being in the water whenever I can be, so, while this isn't the beach, it's water and I'll be floating my ass off for an hour, and when I get out, I hope to return at least once a month for the rest of my life.

Since I'm going to be experiencing some weird solo MIO times tomorrow, I wanted to let you guys in on the biggest piece of trivia about me. Save it for the future when there is one Jeopardy show dedicated to me and Trebek is a robo. Final Jeopardy.

My favortie book of all time is Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. One of the greatest novels of anyone's time. I remember trying to find a copy at somewhere gross like Borders and it was listed under "Horror." I called that bookseller a "horror," and wrote a letter to their corporate offices!!! Just kidding! I wrote that H8 mail to Phaidon! I digress. Here is a man, Dr. Frankenstein so lost and tragically marred by the events of his life that he becomes obessed with the creation of this monster. It's a situation not unlike the call and response attitude associated with the triple dog dare. Or really any situation when you want to do something, people claim impossibility, and then just to prove to them that you can do it, you do. The success of your endeavors is always a personal journey and no one can convince you one way or the other. Frankenstein brought inanimate pieces of human wreckage to life, and then immediately had creator's remorse. He destroys himself and the life of the thing he creates and I want to hug and punch at the same time.

At the other end is the monster her creates. A thing so horrible and grotesque that even it's creator shrinks back in disgust after he's realized what he's done. The chapters where we are first able to get inside of the mind of the monster we find it out, homeboy got mad problems son! Can you even imagine it? You wake up and you're made out of pieces of other deadzos??? You probably smell terrible, you look like something somebody barfed up, and you were ever so cruelly gifted with enough cognitive ability to recognize these things. The monster lives inside of his head and a body that terrifies all those sensitive ladies and children dickin' around Geneva.

Both Frankenstein and his monster live in a populated world, but neither of them can exist inside of it. The only way they can be anything is if they forget about the rest of the world, and disappear from it. We all go down together, me and this book that is. I would run into a burning building to save every copy I have of this thing.

I'll be thinking about it all day tomorrow afternoon when I am floating away on inside of a Space Tank.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Your play-in jams this summer.

I used to love knowing everything about music. I was in a bunch of shitty bands when I was a teenager, I sang my ass over all over the theater, I stayed up every sunday night to watch Matt Pinfield's ugly bald ass talk about the Portishead, Tricky, and other random 90's bullshit music that I still like, because let's face it you guys, those were really the days. The fashion was impeccable, we all had great hair, and the music we listened to was vastly superior to that of today's non-stop fuckery.............................ZOMG you guys! I am totally J/K!!!! I will give it to a few 90's bands, but let's just say that I am thankful for art school because without that we wouldn't have our Crystal Castles, Of Montreals, and Vampire Weekends. Take your parent's money and run foolies! That. Is. WHAT'SUP!

What's really up, is that it's summer, and summer means summer jams. While Gawker's talking about all the songs they wish would burn and die forever, I'm talking about crazy great jamz that we need to be listening to on repeat all summer long because we work hard and we deserve to drink 15 beers after work with our crazy friends, listen to the prime cutz of summer, dance in our kitchen, scream along, and then have our yuppie neighbors call the policia because, let's face it, these assholes are mad they had a baby and can't hang anymore. We are worth it in '010.

These are my picks for what we should be screaming to the DJ at Berlin through that anti drunk person song request fence they put up. Don't they know who I am(the gay in the fur at the door always remembers my wig)? Some of the videos wouldn't let me embed their asses, or they don't have a video for....THE REEEEEEEEMIXXXXXXXXXX!

Royksopp Feat. Robyn "The Girl and the Robot"
I'd like to call this one the suprise jam that I initially thought wasn't that good, but the more I listened to it, the more I liked it. You can watch the video here. Nothing is more appropriate that the love between a girl and her robot. Mmmmmmmmmm....inter-intelligence romance.

Dragonette "Pick Up the Phone" Richard X Remix
I literally have been listening to this song on repeat every morning on my way to work. It is my personal theme for the Euro-trash Starbucks on Rush and Walton. It's the kind of jam that keeps my sunglasses on inside of an already poorly lit room. The non-remix video is here.

Discovery "I Want You Back"
I was at work a couple of weeks ago, and this song came on, and I was all, "Wait, this this? Wait, a Jackson Five cover?" This is a Vampire Weekend side piece, and one that I would listen to on repeat all day errrrrryday if I could. Jam.Of.The.Year.

Also, here's a video of some dumb son of a bitch dancing his azzz off in his anti-girl zone. Greatest hits include: Star Wars Poster(I watch Star Wars literally once a week! Maybe he's my boyfriend!), dancing with his kitty kat, a boomerang. You're welcome.

Katy Perry "Electric Feel" MGMT cover
I can't help but like this broad. She looks like the blow up doll version of Zooey D, and she is boning the grossest man alive, yet, I still find myself listening to her effin' songs all day long. I love MGMT, mostly because they look like gross coked up hippies(PERFECT FOR MOM AND DAD!!!), and this was my jam of last year. Ms. Perry's version is like a nerve pill for the soul on a hot summer day.

If you're curioso about what your brain looks like on the inside when you're tripping ballz, here you go. I would. With just about everyone in that band.

Beyonce feat. Lady Gaga "Videophone"
I know this song is not knew, but I am hypnotized by this video, and the song is the perfect slutty girl jam at the club. B's videos are like a stripper dance class. You watch them enough and you can pop dat azz like her in NO TIME! Also, Lady Gaga is a terrible dancer, so if you are not that rhythmically inclined, just jerk your body around and make weird hand motions like Gaga. I serve it up like a bitch on the Price is Right.

La Roux "In For the Kill"
Sometimes late at night on one of the international news channels my non-cable gets, they show music videos. It's like MTV 2. Kind of. I happened upon this gem one night, and now it is in my constant rotation. I am so into this chick that cut all the rest of my hair off so I could look like her. She. Is. Perfect. She has awesome hair(now I do too!!!), she dresses like a weirdo, her songs are musically complex, and she has awesome hair. When I was at Berlin during Pride and this song came on, I. Lost. My. Life. I want you to just go watch the video, so check on it here.

Gossip "Love Long Distance"
Beth Ditto's voice is a cause for jealousy. No, wait. What really makes me jelly in the brains, is that Alexander McQueen loved her and made her an entire collection. R.I.P., but still. It's my turn. Pasenmelo. Roller Sk8s. Keytar.

Katy Perry "Waking Up In Vegas" Remixzzzzzzzzz
Again with this one. She makes me want to quit this blonde hair and go dark again. This version here is the Roscoe's edition "Dance Remix." Duh. We like to dance. The Calvin Harris remix below is way better, but who are we kidding? I will dance all day everyday to every hot track I hear.

This. Is. The. Best. to listen to at 7:30AM on the way to work. It really jacks you in the brains and fires your shit up to sit in your office all day. Or, like me, answer phones while dancing to hot tracks like this! I dare you to try not to chair dance when you're listening. I just took a break to do it.

Also.....It's goin' down on aisle three I'll bag you like some groceries! Man. Epic.

Finally, this one's for you Dr. Sharp. I am gonna miss yo azzzz when you move to Texas, but now I will have a new place to road trip to with my wife. I love you like the glitteriest rainbow evs, and I wish you all the best of the best. Fax on boo!!!!

As always, thanks for reading, and please enjoy these jamz responsibly.