Sunday, August 15, 2010

Choose your own idiot.

I have a thing for idiots. Idiots of the male variety. They make my life more interesting, and always give me something to complain/gossip about. I like having idiot men in my life because it balances out how overly serious I am guilty of taking myself. Nothing clears up a case of the emos like a totally idiot dude pal who's around to make me explode into a fit of idiotic laughter and forget what I doing in the first place. I LOVE IDIOTS!!!

If I were ever stranded on a desert island with nothing but a couple of idiots and maybe the smoke monster(just for tree shaking purposes), these are the dumbasses I'd want to dick around with(celebrity edition).

DJ Pauly D

I don't know what it is about this guy, but recently, I was watching an episode of the Jersey Shore, and my first thought was, "oh dear lord, I am attracted to fucking DJ Pauly D." He is the king of the idiots, but he is SOOOOOOO CUTE! You guys seriously. Wouldn't we make the stupidest couple ever??? FUN! On day 357 of our stay on our deserted island, while he was sleeping, I would totally shave his Sonic the Hedgehog hair off, and then he would get totally mad at me and I'd be all, "Your hair makes you look like an idiot!" and then he'd be all, "well your haircut makes you look like a lesbian who looks like Justin Bieber!" and then I'd start laughing, and then he'd start laughing, and I'd say, "Oh Pauly D, I just can't be mad at that idiot mug." Then we'd skip off into the jungle. ZOMG cute tops.

Zach Galifianakis
Duh. He is like the Prince to Pauly D's King. This guy would be cracking me up all day and all night. DJ Pauly D and I would probably get super annoyed with him all the time, and it would be like a weird Three's Company episode now with more idiots! I would laugh at his poor choice of clothing, but I would insist on using his intense beer gut as my pillow every night. Pauly D would get jealous, and I'd be all, "go sleep on that pillow I made from banana leaves and that Brillo pad I shaved off your dome." These guys!

Martin Starr

I fell in love with Martin Starr when I saw him in Adventureland. I know he's part of the Freaks and Geeks squad, and has been in those Judd Apatow debacles, but his true idiot awkwardness shone like the last working bulb on the Ferris Wheel on the set of Adventureland. While Pauly D and Zachary and I were prancing around like total spazzes after we ate some psychotropic plants, Martin would be all, "Chill out you guys. You're totally embarassing me even though there's no one else here to be embarassed in front of. Shut up. Leave me alone." Then we'd all start giggling uncontrollably, and then Martin would say, "Ah fuck it, gimme some of those gross leaves you just ate!" Then we'd all dance like stooooopidz idiotzzzz until the sun came up.

Man, my Island of Idiots would be so totally fun. Let's make this dream a realititty!!!



  1. only reason i think i adored this was cuz i'm on nerve pillzzzzzzzz....but it was touching if in an ever so sensationalistic way......maybe cuz we both live in celebrity imagination land......

  2. This was my favorite post thus far. I'm still laughing about you shaving off Pauly D's Sonic the Hedgehog Brillo Pad.

  3. hahahaha! I would totally SHAVE IT OFF!!! I want to be his friend.

  4. Pauly D is pretty awesome but I would hang out with The Situation in a heart beat. You hear that Situation? Call me dude.

  5. What scares the he'll out of me is that I recognize 2out of 3 of these idiots.