Thursday, February 24, 2011

Reality Newzzz!!!

Listen, shit be going down around the globe. The Middle East is eating itself alive, Africa is eating itself alive, South America is eating itself alive, New Zealand is crawling out from under the rubble of Mt. Doom. I know. We know Madison, WI. We got it Indiana. Congrats Rahm. Yeah, I know, soon, my ovaries will be owned by some white man in an expensive suit sitting up on Capital Hill.

Print may be dead, and I'm not saying DON'T watch the news. By all means do. The news, and all news affiliated networks, blogs, newspapers, etc. are some of the most hilarious and entertaining outlets around. HIGHLARIOUS!!! What's even more hilarious is how mad everyone is getting about all the news coverage! Everyone is pointing fingers and accusing everyone of being liars, and various stones being thrown at respective glass houses and pots and kettles and the color black. Like, OMG Becky! Did you hear what ACoops said about Piers Morgan? OMG like, yeah, it's like that time when Christiane Amanpour showed up at that Haiti benefit wearing the same outfit as Brian WILLIAMS!!! WTF!!!!

This just in. The news is just like reality TV only everyone is old and ugly and no one is drunk, except maybe Chris Matthews. Glenn Beck is HIGH AS SHIT!!! Seriously, have you guys ever watched that show? Homeboy is on the worst trip of his LIFE!

The point is, watch the news because it helps to understand what other people are doing, and to get a general sense of geography and world events, but PLEASE stop believing what ANY of them are saying/doing. ACoops may have gotten beat in the dome by some angry Egyptians, but he scurried back to his hotel, and then back to the U.S., and his posh Vanderbilt heritage.

All those men and women sitting in their virtual offices are in no way connected to the information they are reading off that teleprompter, and if they are, then they need to make that cylon shell a skosh more emotive. Just sayin;. Ya'll are stiffer than my special edition Dorothy Barbie.

Both sides are ignorant fear mongers, and this is no way to get anything done, so, in an effort to drastically change the subject and bring back the allegedly deceased paper media, I.AM.STARTING.A.ZINE. Oh yes. It has been a long time coming, and it will be called.....are you ready...are you suuuuuuurrrrreeeeee? Ok. It will be called, PIZZA FACE AND TOTAL BARF!!!! I know right!!!

Here's what's up. Today I had my first session with a therapist who I decided to continue to see from here on out. As a compliment to that, and also a way to exorcise my demons, I will be writing about rather personal things about myself, and how I came to be where I am today, and why therapy is the right move. Before you come down with a major case of the sads, I promise that besides the seriousness and sometimes sadness teenage angst can bring, it'll be FUNNNNNNEEEEEEEE! And also available at Quimby's. Also, I will prolly toss some in with the free papers.

The way I see it, when the Apocalypse happens, and all electronic media is made obsolete, paper media will rise from all those electrical fires, and even that skeleton dude won't be able to resist my wit and creative use of the Engrish language! Viva PRINT!!!

XOXO ya'll


  1. ... so finally my unending lectures have tured you to the luddite mode. Where is my mimeograph machine when I need it!


  2. Mimeograph? Naw, this broad only uses a Gutenberg Press. Trantula, you should make a blog post about Enoch, the mythical Luddite sledgehammer. I guess you could use the hammer to break the figurative chains of male cultural oppression or something.