Monday, February 8, 2010

BAM! Too much booty in the pants!!!

HOT SHIT! I have so much I want to talk about, it's like I have to crap my pants, but can't find the terlet fast enough! First you're running, then you're walking (thanks Phil!) First of all, happy Monday ya'll! I know I DON'T have a case of the Mondays because I am currently in my pajamas, in my kitchen, listening to Jenny Lewis, and drinking tea. Be jealous. It's totally fine. I've only got an hour to get this all out, and then I plan to move my ass to my couch so I can watch TMZ. My life is really something.

Now, down to bizzzzznassss! Valentine's Day is coming atcha whether you get to bone someone you know or just some mysterious stranger you meet at the bar. I'll be roaming the streets handing out cupcakes (who are we kidding, mostly eating them) to unknowing randoms who hate V-Day, but for those of you who have people to shop for, I am here to help. Chocolates and flowers, while pretty and delicious, are played out. It's time for something different. You've been with your significant other long enough. Stop boring them, and give them something really special. I suggest you begin with this card by Design Dude. I found him on Etsy, and you can too! If I gave someone this card, they should feel totally special because I LOVE bacon, and if I love them more than I loved bacon, then it's for serious this time.

Funny cards are like losing the first hand of strip poker. Take off your top. The next proverbial "ball" is in your man's court. So here's something funny for Valentine's day, but if I were a dude, I would probably want this on any day. A robot riding a Triceratops?! That is almost as funny as the picture I have of Jesus riding a T-Rex on my fridge! Seriously. Everyone should want this shirt. Also courtesy of Etsy, this tee comes to you from design collective Happy Family. You can check out their Etsy shop at http://www/ What's cooler than something that looks mega cute on a t-shirt, but could give you a total case of the deads at a moment's notice? A robot riding a Triceratops that's what!

Now, my next two finds are for the ladies, or the trannies, or you know, Katie Price's ex drag-mess "Roxanne." Bendywho will be designing my jewels for my prairie wedding to Brad Pitt(Jesse James meets Little house!). It's like she stuck her hand into my brain and pulled out everything I love about jewely. Big and baubly.
I can't tell you how much I love her work, but what I can tell you is that even though she piles on layers and layers of accessories onto one necklace, the structure remains intact. The design of her pieces don't suffer, and it doesn't look cheap or janky in any way. There is a serious level of intricacy to each necklace or cuff, and I appreciate her attention to detail. I guarentee you will too, so I suggest you agree to finally perform that strip tease for your boyfriend or girlfriend to whatever Poison or GNR song he or she wants because you want to wear one of these. I promise, after the humilation or embarassment has passed, and you're laying in your bed wearing your Bendywho necklace, it will all seem worth it. Bendywho's collection can be found at

The last item for today is a classic. Lingerie! I know that that can seem played out as much as chocolates or flowers, but this time it's different. This time, it's vintage luxury, and it's by a designer called Wundervoll by way of the website Daily Candy( Wundervoll is based out of Berlin, which is also one of my favorite bars in Chicago! You could wear this lingerie to Berlin as your Saturday night outfit! Then when you get home with that random tranny(it happens to people) you would barely spend any time undressing! FUN! If that's not your thing however, and let's be real, we're not 18 anymore, Wundervoll's lingerie is sexy in a way that is lost on the youth of today. Undressing can be the sexiest part of being with someone, and just think of undressing your lady, and underneath it all, she's wearing this unbelievably sexy vintage lingerie! I mean, when I said I was wearing pajamas, I meant I was wearing Wundervoll lingerie and sipping an egg cream.

Wow, this post just made me hungry for luxury.

Until next time ladies and gents and ladygents!
I love you even without Valentine's Day!


p.s. When you do have spare time, you should for sure check out my friend Brian's blog Brian IS New York City, and maybe, he'll let you taste a second of his insight. He is awesome and you should know who he is.


  1. HOT MESS, Sergeant Trash here- do you get fucking commissions from Etsy? But I need a piece of advice- I'm my own Valentine, so what should I buy me? A couple of your cupcakes with some ground-up roofies in them? Also, check out the wikipedia article on "Floppy Infant Syndrome," which can result from pregnant chicks taking roofies. I think Pube Party could do a serious, awareness-raising ballad about this tragic, but admittedly hilarious, disease.