Thursday, February 11, 2010

A bun in the oven.

Ask just about anyone I know, and they will tell you that I am no good in the kitchen. Sure, I could be if I tried, but I'm much more comfortable looking like Betty Draper and holding a cocktail(aka PBR tallie). I love being in my kitchen, I love kitchen decor, and I love kitchen appliances. I'm just not into cooking. I will not bake the cookies, but best believe I will be there when you need someone to take care of that last bit of batter in the bowl.

That's why I'm dedicating today's post to those few who love being in the kitchen, and who, more importantly, love baking sweet and pretty treats. I know there are like, a gagillion bakeries here in Chicago, but the two I have picked out, I feel, are the best. They are the most creative as far as cake and pastry design, and they feel much less pretentious than most of those other bakeries or pastry shops(you know which ones I am giving the side-eye to).

As a companion piece to my bakery shakedown, I'm tossing in a few jewelry designers who make it rain in the club with their pastry themed jewelry.

Now, down to business. Tipsycake is dangerously close to my home(1043 N. California Avenue to be exact). I walk past it on my way to get coffee from Knockbox(insert side-eye chuckle and "that's what she said"). Its location may suggest that it doesn't know its audience, but don't let the blue lights and the hoodrats on the corner fool you. This is serious cake making business. Take a look in their window, and you will notice that this isn't their first time at the goddamn rodeo. Owner Naomi Levine may be a Chicago import by way of Sydney, Australia(she's the Aussie philosophy!!!), she taps into the Midewestern fatassery like she's lived here forevah! I like that Tipsycake is low-key, and that they don't seem to get lost in the overload of cute pastry shops that seem to have popped up like a Herpes outbreak over the past few years. FUN SIDE STORY!! Sometimes, when you go play bingo at the California Clipper(aka Whoopsie Mondays '09. )Tipsycake generously comes over and brings delicious goodies that the Steve's dole out to the inebriated masses. Tipsycake is delicious and fun, and if I wanted to have the cutest day ever, I would go to Adam and Sons on the corner of California and Thomas, buy a bouquet of the cutest Gerbera Daisies(in all the colours of the CUTEST rainbow), then go to Tipsycake and order like, a milli cupcakes, and then skip through the barrio singing old Puerto Rican folk jams, and handing out cupcakes and flowers!!!(I JUST CUTED IN MY PANTS!!!)

Wow, I just took my cute-o-meter to the MAXXXXXX!!! Next is The Bleeding Heart Bakery( Owners Vinny and Michelle Garcia were first seen peddling their goodies(not MY goodies) at local Farmer's Markets and have stuck to their guns about buying locally grown ingredients for all of their baked goods. This is an excellent basically for a trillion reasons. One of the most important being that they are supporting local growers in and around the Chicago area. Another being, even though they're baking cakes and various other delights(which are sweet and delicious, but tend to hang on tenaciously to the cellulite in my ass), they aren't pumping preservatives into their product which is A+(sorry Ho-Ho's), and when eaten in moderation(sorry self-control), the guilt won't feel as opressive! The Bleeding Heart, while also adorable, is definitely on the weirder tip. If you're looking for a super weird cake or truly truly truly outrageous gourmet cupcakes for that person in your life who just won't stand for a "Fresh to your Family from Jewel" style cake or plastic container of poorly constructed cupcakes, I would highly recommend you take your ass over theThe Bleeding Heart Bakery, and make their dreams come true. It's like a Vivian Westwood leather jacket covered in safety pins on the outside with a Chanel evening gown underneath. GLAMOUR!

BACKGROUND CHECK! When I was a girl, I had a Strawberry Shortcake doll. Keep in mind, this was before she was nipped and tucked, sucked and plucked. This was old school, big head, nappy hair, raver chic Strawberry Shortcake, and she smelled like fake fake FAKE strawberries. That kind of nostalgia is what I look for in my jewelry. I like piece that takes me back to playing in the dirt with my dolls, and making them all ride dinosaurs like it was no thang at all.

After an hour of so of slumming around the internet, I happened across these token pieces. This charm should come with a warning specifically designed for me that will read "WARNING! YOUR DUMB ASS MIGHT TRY TO EAT ME, BUT I AM NOT FOR THE EATING. CHOKABLE PIECES IDIOT!" I would probably still try to eat it because I don't look before I put anything in my moufths. You can find this charm and many other beautiful tiny fake treats on Etsy at http://www/

Next and finally tonight, are these cupcake earrings. They're in my cart already, patiently awaiting a smooth transaction. Again, these earrings come courtesy of the archives of Etsy from Shayaaron( Notice that both pieces are not some crappy cut-outs someone made and put online after they had a few glasses of Franzia and decided they were a "crafter." The ladies and gentleman featured tonight are serious craftspeople. They make edible and non-edibles alike because they enjoy the process, but more importantly, they enjoy the fact that other people enjoy what they do, and that, my fancy pals, is the payoff. Yeah, you've gotta do it because you love it, but you've gotta love that other people love and appreciate it as well, otherwise, go back to your cabin in the woods Unibomber!

Sweet dreams my sugarplums!


P.S. Here's a link to a post on Gawker with tributes from Fashion's main trannies ""

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